Friday, January 17, 2014

E. CONNER - Top Ten of 2013

   E. Conner is back for her second year in a row to bring you her top ten of 2013....but she didn't exactly do a top ten. Proving both that all rules are meant to be broken and E cannot be tamed by anyone's expectations, she submitted a top 8....and that's okay..but I still called it a top ten because I like how it sounds. Enough babbling....

Antifascist Film Night
Antifascist Film Night was an event I organized that was hosted by the irreverent Black Hole Cinema in West Oakland, Amerikkka. I had been peripherally thinking a lot about politically mobilized subcultural scenes in (recent) history and the interplay of cultural signifiers with fascism at the time and had just watched Antifa:Chasseurs de Skins with Trash and John (finally translated into English and available for free practically everywhere ever online, streaming and downloadable).
I, of course, have a lot to say about the movie itself: The necessity of violence to remove oppression in, like, the most localized sense, the importance of fashion in combating (literally, like, mobilized militarization) fascism, and the relevance of shared cultural space and good as fuck oi!
 Still, the event itself is what mattered most.
 I had been disappointed in a recent local "political punk" festival for supporting nary a viable relevant political workshop and instead focusing on vegan recipes and self indulgent nostalgia. Yeah... I talked A LOT OF SHIT. (That's not to say that fest wasn't with out value to some people but this is my mother fucking top ten and I'll be whatever kind of asshole I want to.)
ANYWAY instead of letting shit pass without addressing more interesting pertinent realities I organized this movie showing to hopefully incite some collective critical thought in an engaged participatory environment.
 My good friend and recent transplant to the Bay Area (via DC) Beck Levy offered to make the beautiful posters and it was all off to a good start. Tooth guided me through the hoops of organizing a film showing and surprising amount of people (a lot of whom I'd never met) showed up to talk about weird stuff.

when i was like, 22 i stole a small bottle from the health food store in Indiana. HONEYSUCKLE: helps you put memories of the past into perspective if you are feeling homesick or overly nostalgic.
Like, what's a baby have to be sad about?
 How many fucking reunion shows are we supposed to go to?
 What have those old alcoholics got hiding in their wrinkles and shitty tattoos that makes them relevant? Authenticity is a fucking joke.
 Someone tried to re-release an old album of "the band i never talk about". At first I thought "hey that would be a funny way to pay rent". Then realized how terrible it would be to subject anyone of any age or experience to something that, looking back, was so stupid.
 Riot Grrrl was just another feelings scam.
 You don't have to learn anything from anyone.

The second I found my dad's stash I was struck with injustice. Injustice became victory. Then tragedy. That followed was years of confusion and no fun. Mow it's cool to let someone convince me to do a bump of coke offa their middle finger and jump in the gross drainage channel at the marina. Or leave work early because my crush friended me on facebook and that made me throw up almost immediately. I rode down to the water and ate mushrooms and found an apple tree in the middle of a landfill and ate the apple. I woke up in the middle of the night and grabbed what i thought was a water bottle and gluged back a mouthful of nail polish remover. I smelled it for a week after even though i had brushed my teeth like a million times. We passed poppers around the fire and took our shirts off because weather doesn't matter anymore and we just felt really really warm.

Once when I was like, 14 my dad tried to give me makeup advice. Which is stupid because I'm pretty sure he's never worn makeup EVER. Anyway, blush is awesome. It's the makeup of crazy people. That and eyebrows. Which were really more of a 2012 thing. 2013 was all about the cheeks. Glowing and luminous or sometimes just fucking garish. Blush comes in like, all the colors. Blush is the make up of heightened emotion. Excitement, embarrassment, & fear. The only make up that could possibly be better would be synthetic sweat and they haven't invented that yet.


I feel like the summer started when I gave Nell an ACAB tattoo on my stoop in 8th grade graffiti bubble letters. Then Ben gave me custody of his machine and I gave him a led zepplin, L(o)(o)K (the o's are eyeballs) and a "cussing skull" tattoos all in one night. I did a lot more on others. Including: some woo woo astrology stuff, Nirvana logos, matching twin peaks, tear drops, Clarice Lispector quotes, and more. Let me help you make more mistakes. Let me do a thing on your skin.

There's not a lot to say about this. Someone made me feel crazy by lying to me for months. So, I thought I was crazy. When I found out I wasn't crazy I made them reimburse me for my (sliding scale therapy and medication costs). Some people probably think this is crazy. But it was only $102 and I spent it on groceries and plants for my room. But only because it wasn't quite enough to buy a star with.

I read so much stuff. Stuff about Abject and Affective Labor, Women and Murder, Foucault and Deleuze, Rape and Machines, Sex and Horror, Novels and poetry. All these people I know wrote so much cool stuff. So many amazing zines came out. I printed out so much crap on the printer at work. I downloaded an ass ton of ebooks. I'm not going to tell you about anything specifically because it doesn't matter: Turns out I'm still a crazy idiot.

No, it's not true. But I fucking wish it was. I'm tired of hearing smart cool people complain about how stupid people treat them like shit. Dump your shitty boyfriend and get a dog. Spend the winter making up conspiracy theories and experimenting with sports wear. Start rumors about yourself being a virgin and make yourself appear frighteningly intimidating (as if you weren't already... you crazy idiot you). Troll Grindr with a fake profile starring a picture of Stone Cold Steve Austin and talk to gay dudes seeking butch tops about puppy play and flowers in the middle of the night under a bunch of blankets. Start approximately 5 or 6 okcupid profiles with sincere intentions and then turn them into sources of humor/gender revenge. I don't care what you do, just stop complaining about your shitty dates.