FLORAL BEEF - Demo - Tape - 2008

   FLORAL BEEF started out with Sean, Emmalee and Jen playing their songs at a new band show in Sean's backyard on a half pipe. Later, they asked Billy to "try out" by getting him to make distressed animal noises and dance around. When he succeeded, they put him on the 2nd drum set.
   Jon Paul recorded this demo on a reel to reel at the 3rd St practice space in San Francisco. The drummers used an old school bell (as a cymbal) that JP had swiped from a school that he squatted.
   Like many bands, FLORAL BEEF went on a tour that destroyed them and strained friendships. Their roadie (Matty B) almost got them in many fights for drugs, unrestrained wildness and matters of religious differences. He was also their "chef", which just meant he poured Tapatio and lime juice into Fritos bags and shook it up.
   Some band members continued to live next door to each other, but barely talked. Jen moved into my house once, but I don't ever think we slept there at the same time. I know I only saw her once. The band got back together a couple of years ago for a reunion show where they took their shirts off, spit beer in each other's mouths, slow danced in the kitchen and tried (and failed) to crush up & snort Horny Goat Weed pills from the corner store. Maybe they even played a tape loop of Ron "Tater Salad" White's comic routine where he talks about getting his dick super-glued to his stomach like they used to...I don't know....I wasn't there....All of this info came from their drummer, Emmalee, not me.

  I only had 2 chances to see FLORAL BEEF and I totally squandered the first one. I believe the band was playing a mere 3 houses away from me, but I was locked up in an attic room alone stressing out and getting depressed. I shared a room with my friend Matt and laid on his bed while he was playing a movie awards show in Hollywood, schmoozing with Deniro and fighting over free Ipods with Jason Bateman. I should've been jumping up and down to FLORAL BEEF, but I was probably reading about total bullshit. If I opened my window, I probably could have heard them. 

  The second time, I raced with a group of bicyclists across SF to the Tenderloin (that's a neighborhood, for out-of-town readers) to try and catch them at their reunion show. We reached the door of the house where they were playing and started blitzing the door guy with questions. "FLORAL BEEF?! HAVE THEY PLAYED YET?!!" The door guy was trying to take our money without answering. "Yeah man, all the bands are great. I'm sure they'll go on soon." Suddenly, Emmalee appeared and said "We already played. It's a shit show." We took out money back and opted to drink on the street instead. Minutes later, a guy from the house walked out and started yelling at us about how we were assholes by drinking out front. We were "blowing up the spot." I looked up at the open window of the house where music was blasting out into the streets. I looked at the guys next to me drinking openly and dealing crack.  I looked at the Friday night hordes also drinking and shouting about nothing. I looked at the whole city going completely ass wild and then glanced back at my friends serenely drinking tall cans on the street. A cop car drove by without a second glance. The guy threatened to call the cops. We laughed and left. 

I've still never seen FLORAL BEEF.

Emmalee wanted me to add this at the last minute: "The most important thing to remember in the telling of FLORAL BEEF is that Jen and I went to the same elementary school (Mark Twain Elementary. Isn;t it weird to name a school after someone's pen name?), but she was in class with my little brother and remembers him being a bad kid."

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Members of FLORAL BEEF also played in DISPLEASURE, DAVID COPPERFUCK, RAW/WAR, SCHLITZ CLAIBORNE and lots more, okay?

I know I didn't say anything about what they sound like and that's okay because you can just download it. It's sometimes simple yet deceptively, brilliantly catchy. Abrasive but tender. Songs like "Void in my Head" and "Tell Me" will be stuck in your head for days.